we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
