wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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