you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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