dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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