at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
