i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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