Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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