forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
