Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
