what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
