Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
