curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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