Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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