im about as happy as oj after his trial
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
