paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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