did you get engaged???
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so let's talk penis.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
