We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize