oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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