I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
