i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
