So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
