Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
