it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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