I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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