I hate your face
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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