So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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