I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
