Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize