Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
