Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
