The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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