Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
