did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
