Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
