Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
