Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
