god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
