Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
