yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
