Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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