I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
