You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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