i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
