Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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