Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
