Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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