True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
