Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
