i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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