Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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