I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
