So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
