I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
