i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize