i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
