I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
