fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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