Non-Jews are for practice
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
