I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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