You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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