You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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