so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
