I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
