I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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