it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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