she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
