I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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