I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
