So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
