dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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