The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize