Pappa wants mamma naked
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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